


The words we can't say

by MochaMama



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Betaed, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 04:30:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14560902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MochaMama/pseuds/MochaMama
Summary: If he could hold onto this, if he could hold onto volleyball and the little moments of yelling at each other with this beautiful person, that would be enough. He would make it be enough. He would suffocate these feelings trying to surface.No, he reassured himself. I don’t love Kageyama Tobio.





	The words we can't say

_ I can’t stop looking at him. _

Hinata sat with his back to the wall, slumped on the gym floor with a rag laid around his neck to dry the sweat that had accumulated there. With chocolate orbs he watched his teammates, but they continued to drift to one person in particular despite his best efforts. He followed the curve of a strong back that arched forward as a large hand connected with the ball in a satisfying crack from a powerful jump serve. It took far too long for the man’s feet to kiss the earth again, seemingly suspended in midair like the angel he obviously was. A stupid, rude, lanky angel, but an angel nonetheless. Hinata’s hands clenched into the fabric of his practice shorts, wrinkling the soft cotton.

Forcing his eyes away from their target was obviously a failed pursuit, so instead he let them flutter shut, sighing and leaning his head back to rest gingerly against the wall.

Behind his eyelids, deep blue stared back at him, drowning his other thoughts along with his ability to breathe well. His face twisted in displeasure, guilt flooding his body at his lack of control. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way. His only love was supposed to be volleyball, married to the court and pouring everything he had into improving.

When he allowed his eyes to open again, the same deep blue was staring back at him. A strange, and rather unmanly, squeak left his throat as his body jolted in surprise.

“Come on dumbass, I want to practice our quick.”

A hand was held out to him, the same strong hand that gave him the perfect tosses. The same hand his eyes were following earlier, and the same one that he wished would caress his face.

Despite his inner turmoil, his desire to spike won out, and he grasped that same hand, allowing himself to be hauled back to his feet. Hinata flashed a smile to his partner, grateful he didn’t need to beg for tosses today, and they ran onto the court together, yelling and hollering like normal.

If he could hold onto this, if he could hold onto volleyball and the little moments of yelling at each other with this beautiful person, that would be enough. He would  _ make  _ it be enough. He would suffocate these feelings trying to surface.

_ No,  _ he reassured himself.  _ I don’t love Kageyama Tobio. _

 

_ \--- _

 

“Kageyama! One more!”

The pair were still in the same gym three hours later, having begged to practice a little longer after the others had left with the promise to properly clean and lock up. Well, “a little longer” had turned the day into night, the moon now high and bright in the sky.

Hinata threw Kageyama another ball, and he began to crouch slightly as it came near. Hinata was already a blur as he rushed towards the net and leapt in preparation for his spike, jumping and swinging his arms in the way that seemed to grant him a pair of wings. As the ball made contact with Kageyama’s fingertips, he used the bit of momentum from his crouch to launch the ball high in the air towards his scrawny partner. With barely any time to register what happened, the ball connected to the gym floor next to one of the water bottles they had set up as targets, narrowly missing its mark. Hinata connected to the ground once more, bending his knees to absorb the shock of his jump. He let out an exasperated sigh at having missed, and looked up at Kageyama who was walking towards him, ready for the earful he’d get for missing. A hand was lifted in front of his face, and he flinched and shrank back, waiting for the connecting hit. His eyes flew open in shock when instead his hair was ruffled, a small smile on Kageyama’s lips.

“Almost, dumbass. That was still a pretty good spike.” Kageyama shifted his gaze from Hinata to the dozens of balls that littered the other side of the court. “I think we’re just running out of steam. We’ve stayed pretty late, even for us.” Blue eyes shifted down to catch Hinata’s gaze again, and the smaller boy looked away, flustered.

“Y-yeah,” Hinata stuttered stupidly. “Let’s clean up.”

They did so in a comfortable silence, Hinata flittering around the gym as he collected the balls and Kageyama working on putting up the net. Kageyama finished with the net first, and Hinata lagged behind, trying to allow the other male time to change in the clubroom first to avoid anymore guilt for the day.

Soon he was out in the cold of the night in his tracksuit, locking up the gym before making his way over to the bike rack. There Kageyama stood, leaning against the wall and waiting for him. He went to unlock his bike, but paused when a hand rested over his own to stop him. Hinata jerked his hand away as if burned, sputtering.

“W-what, Bakageyama?!” He shouted.

He was answered with a glare and a sigh first, before a hand grasped his orange curls too tightly, pulling.

“Dumbass! It’s pitch black out, you can’t ride over your stupid mountain at this time of night!” Kageyama snapped at the smaller boy.

“My mountain isn’t stupid, it’s pretty!” Hinata piped up. He shoved Kageyama away, a small pout on his face. “And anyways, what am I supposed to do otherwise, huh? Didn’t think about that, huh, Bakageyama? ‘Cause you’re so stup-”

He barely dodged the hand flying for his hair again as he laughed and danced away, feeling himself calm down with their normal antics.

“You’ll stay over my house tonight, I already called Auntie and made sure it was okay. It’s Saturday anyways. So there, now who’s stupid, you dumbass?” As Kageyama spoke he spun on his heel and began to walk off.

Hinata  stood next to the bike rack, looking rather dumb. Soon he rushed forward until he was in step with Kageyama, and opened his mouth to say something, before deciding against it. If he already called his mother then it would seem more suspicious if he suddenly backed out. They almost always spent the day off together anyways. Nothing unusual. So, instead, Hinata did one of the things he did best - he complained.

“Why do you even have my mom’s number, idiot…” Hinata grumbled, crossing his arms and looking away.

Kageyama simply shrugged, “You don’t take care of yourself so someone has to.”

He turned those deep eyes on Hinata for what felt like the millionth time that day, and the middle blocker desperately tried not to suffocate under that gaze.

“After all, I need you so I know someone is always there to hit my perfect tosses.” He gave a cocky smirk before taking off into a run and shouting over his shoulder, “Last one there has to set up the guest futon!”

“Wha- Hey! No fair you idiot!  _ I’m  _ the guest!”

 

\---

 

“Oi, Hinata?”

The pair rested in Kageyama’s room, Kageyama sitting on his bed pressed back to the wall, while Hinata was sprawled out on the guest futon, belly up. Hinata only hummed in response, and even in the dim light of the moon spilling through the window, Kageyama could clearly see all the bright orange curls, pointing in seemingly every direction, jostle slightly as his small partner turned his head towards him.

“Did I do something wrong?” Kageyama asked, trying to not let on how much his friend’s strange behavior that day had affected him.

At the question, the orange flurry of hair shot up and soon Hinata was peeking over his bed at him, eyes wide.

“Why do you ask that?” Hinata squawked.

“You’re so loud,” Kageyama grumbled, resting his chin on his hand and scowling at him before answering. “You’ve been acting stupid all day. What’s wrong, dumbass?”

The orange curls fell out of sight, and Kageyama peered over the bed to see Hinata on his knees, his small hands clutching at the blankets, and his gaze trained on the futon, eyes wide and… scared? Brown eyes quickly began to shine with unspilled tears, and Kageyama’s heart clenched painfully at the sight. His mind began to race with horrible thoughts, wondering what the hell could make the sun itself become sad. Kageyama sighed, trying to seem uninterested, before turning away and laying on his side.

“You don’t need to answer,” Kageyama decided. “But I… uh, I’m worried about you. So stop acting dumb , ” he said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

They sat in silence for a few tense moments, only broken by the occasional muffled sob of Hinata, which Kageyama desperately tried to pretend he wasn’t hearing. After the tears seemed to subside, Hinata spoke, voice too thick.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Kageyama growled in response, annoyed and worried about the whole stupid situation.

“Why are you worried about me?” Hinata squeaked.

Kageyama shot up to a sitting position at once, staring at the idiot below him. “I care about you, you… Ugh, you’re so stupid.”

The end of his sentence was rushed, added on in irritation at not Hinata, but himself. Kageyama collapsed on the bed once more, covering his whole body with the blankets, hoping to suffocate himself before humiliation could settle too deeply into his mind. Why would he just  _ say  _ that? It was true, of course, but  _ Hinata  _ didn’t need to know that. All Hinata needed to know was that he was happy to have someone receive his tosses.

And sure, at the beginning, he could admit that’s all there was to it. He was the King on the court, the loner that demanded too much of his players until they eventually abandoned him. But not Hinata. The middle blocker was always there, expending every last bit of energy he had to try and make any contact with the ball. And that orange ball of energy was the only one who was as obsessed with the game as he was himself.

But the issue stemmed from the fact that now he cared about more than that. Hinata was an absolute idiot, there was no getting around that. But at some point volleyball had turned them from enemies to friends, and then from friends to best friends. But for Kageyama, it didn’t feel like enough, even though he could think of nothing else they could be.

And yet, Kageyama quickly found that he began to watch Hinata even off the court, and even when he was alone he thought of the little ball of energy and joy. He cared about him, he worried about him, and he would recall that gigantic smile that seemed to brighten the entire world when he felt down. It was a new feeling, caring about something besides himself, volleyball, and milk. He hated it.

The silence dragged on once more, Kageyama in his own thoughts and willing himself to shrivel up and die on the spot, until Hinata spoke up once more.

“Bakageyama?”

“What, Hinata?” Kageyama answered, annoyed.

“You’ll always toss to me, right?”

“Of course, you said we’re always going to stand on the same court together, right? Or wait, didn’t you say you were going to beat me or something stupid like that? Well, either way...”

Kageyama’s irritation was driven away by the surprisingly quiet laugh of Hinata, a small noise that was filled with all of the happiness in the world.

“Good night, Toh-bee-oh,” the smaller boy singsonged.

Kageyama said nothing in response, only huffing out a breath as he pretended being called by his given name didn’t bring warmth to his cheeks.

Even after Hinata heard the breathing of his larger companion even out, steady in his sleep, he laid awake, trying to suppress the large smile that wobbled on his face.

 

\---

 

Hinata seemed in rather high spirits the next morning, his strange behavior from the previous day long gone. They spent the day as they normally did, scarfing down food and trying to have study sessions that quickly turned into chats about volleyball… And then turned into actual volleyball. They stayed outside nearly all day in Kageyama’s backyard, enjoying the nice Spring weather as they continued to play. When they rested against a tree, taking a small break, Kageyama felt truly happy when he realized his small middle blocker  _ must  _ be okay, as he was soon going about his normal behavior of hanging all over him. He smiled inwardly, before sighing at the realization that Hinata didn’t willingly touch him at all the day before aside from allowing Kageyama to help him to his feet.

He had never really liked being touched before, hell, he still didn’t normally like it much now. But when Hinata touched him, whether it was simply their shoulders bumping together or Hinata lounging on his back with his legs sprawled over the setter as they were currently… He loved it. A warmth would ignite in his stomach and spread throughout his body, washing him in a strange simple pleasure that he never really knew existed.

_ More. _

The thought was echoing in his head as he stared down at Hinata, and he absently ran his hand along the leg in his lap. Hinata jolted at the touch, before relaxing once again and giving him one of his beautiful, bright smiles. Kageyama pressed his lips together, stopping the smile that was trying to form there.

_ More,  _ he thought again.

_ I want to touch Hinata more. _

 

\---

 

Monday was upon them again, which brought a new school day with it. Excited for another day of volleyball, another day of  _ Kageyama,  _ Hinata leapt from bed with more enthusiasm than he had in quite a while. In less than half an hour he was bounding out the door, waving goodbye to Natsu and his mother. He was in such a good mood that he even blew Natsu a kiss, and she squealed in delight before pretending to catch it and press it to her heart. He gave a small laugh before closing the door behind him and actually leaving, grabbing his bike that he had brought home the night prior.

The light morning breeze felt good as he biked over the mountain to school, and he only let up when he spotted Kageyama waiting for him at the street light where they would part ways when walking home together after practice. He slowed to nearly a stop before hopping from the bike in one fluid movement, only laughing as he passed Kageyama who glared and rushed to fall into step beside the tiny middle blocker.

“You have so much energy you can’t even stop to get off your bike properly?” Kageyama asked him.

Hinata only stuck out his tongue in response. Kageyama let out a long, exaggerated sigh.

“Oh well, I was going to offer to push you the rest of the way to school if you were tired… But I guess I’m off the hook.”

“Oh- What! I ask you to do that all the time and you’ve never told me yes!” Hinata screeched. “I’m tired, I’m tired!” He insisted as he slowed significantly, trying to prove his point. 

Kageyama huffed out a quiet laugh in response. “Just get on, dumbass.”

Hinata squealed in delight before jumping back onto the seat, and lifted his feet to rest on the pedals once Kageyama was properly supporting his weight and the bike. His arms were on both sides of Hinata, trapping the boy as he held onto the handlebars. His superior height made it so he only had to lean down slightly, and this way Hinata’s head rested gently against his chest. The smaller boy laughed with joy and nuzzled slightly into his jacket, and Kageyama felt his heart swell at the sight.

“What’s got you being so nice today, Bakageyama?”

“No reason,” he lied easily. Hinata didn’t seem to care as they continued to make their way to the school, orange tufts tickling under Kageyama’s chin as Hinata leaned into him and rambled on about nothing of importance.

Hinata only stopped his rambling when they saw Tanaka and Nishinoya in the distance, hollering about something or other as they normally were.

“Senpais!”

Their heads snapped to the sound of Hinata’s call immediately, eyes sparkling with the name. Soon the pair were barreling towards them, with calls of “Kohai!” in response. As they neared, Kageyama nodded in greeting. Tanaka gave him a friendly thump on the back.

“What were you guys talking about?” Hinata asked, swinging his feet like a child where he was still perched upon the bike seat.

Their delighted expressions dropped, replaced with looks of annoyance.

“Love,” Nishinoya grumbled.

“I confessed to a girl in my class and got threatened since she’s the third person I’ve confessed to this week,” Tanaka explained, rubbing the back of his head and laughing sheepishly.

Hinata giggled at that. “Aren’t love confessions supposed to be based around, you know, loving someone?”

“I love the way she looks!” Tanaka said quickly.

Hinata only let out another loud laugh. Kageyama sighed.

“It’s for the best anyways. If you have time for stupid stuff like that, you should focus it on volleyball,” Kageyama stated simply.

Brushing past the other two, Kageyama began pushing Hinata towards the bike racks. He was stopped by an arm thrown around his shoulders, pulling him into Tanaka’s side as Nishinoya appeared on his other side, poking him in the ribs and snickering. Hinata yelped as the sudden stop threw off the balance of the bike, and Kageyama quickly planted his feet on the ground, glaring at Nishinoya who only laughed louder.

“Oh~,” Tanaka sang, “Don’t tell me the King has never been in love?”

Kageyama shoved him away, huffing, “Of course not. I don’t have time for stupid stuff like that.” He felt Hinata stiffen next to him, and something unpleasant coiled in his belly. He continued on despite it. “I’ve just never felt anything like that. I don’t know, it seems kind of gross and more effort than it’s worth.” He shrugged at the end of his explanation, as if to punctuate how little he cared.

“I need to head to class, I forgot I have morning duty,” Hinata suddenly said.

He climbed off the bike, grabbing the handlebars from Kageyama who stared down at his suddenly empty hands in confusion. He watched as Hinata began to walk off. Had he said something wrong? A hollow feeling opened in his chest, and suddenly breathing felt like a horribly difficult task.

Tanaka and Noya were on Hinata in a second, jumping and pulling on him as they walked with him.

“What about  _ this  _ Kohai?” Noya elbowed the middle blocker in the side gently, wagging his eyebrows.

Hinata stared at him with a scowl and Nishinoya dropped his arms in shock, before bellowing out a laugh. “Was that supposed to be a Kageyama impression? That was great!” The pair of second years chortled together as they dropped the subject and walked on ahead.

Kageyama was rushing forward to fall in step with Hinata again before long, an uncomfortable feeling squirming in his stomach at the silence of his small friend. “What’s your problem?” He grumbled. He received continued silence in response, and the grimace on his face set deeper. “What, you got someone you like or something?”

Hinata whirled and was in his face in a second, eyes alight with a new anger he had never seen before. “As a matter of fact, I do, idiot. So I don’t like talking about this,” Hinata snarled. “Especially not with someone who doesn’t understand caring about anyone besides himself.”

Hinata started to walk away again, but Kageyama grabbed his wrist, stopping him in his tracks. The setter’s eyebrows were knit together, confusion and hurt etched everywhere on his face as he looked down at his smaller partner.

“What are you talking about? I told you I cared about  _ you _ when you spent the night.” Kageyama looked down sheepishly, shuffling his feet uncomfortably. “I was just saying I don’t really understand  _ love,  _ like they were talking about. A girlfriend would probably want me to spend a bunch of time with her, and that would mean less volleyball… I just don’t see the appeal.”

“What if it was someone who loved volleyball as much as you?” Hinata asked, voice low and hollow.

Kageyama jolted at the question, dropping his grip on Hinata’s wrist and staring at him wide-eyed. He hadn’t ever even thought of that being an option,  _ no one  _ loved volleyball like he did.

Well, no one except…

Hinata seemed to realize what he had just implied as a pretty dust of pink began to flush his cheeks. All of his anger seemed to have been replaced with embarrassment as he fidgeted and seemed to become very interested in his shoes.

“Hinata…,” Kageyama’s voice sounded soft and tired, but he was quickly interrupted.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn't mean to say strange things,” Hinata stuttered.

He turned and busied himself with rushing over to the rack to lock up his bike, where Kageyama followed. He was reaching out a hand before he registered the movement and slowly, Kageyama ruffled the soft orange curls.

“I-uh, I don't understand love. I don't even think I’m capable of having an emotion like that,” he said with a hint of sadness and downcast eyes. “But you know I don't mean that I don't care about you and the team, right? You're essential to winning volleyball, so you're the most important thing to me. You’re my only real friend anyways, so uh… Stop being sad, okay?” He faltered at the end, feeling like he had more to say, but couldn't come up with the words as he was trying to comprehend his feelings. He wasn't sure if the words he  _ did  _ say were the correct ones.

“Yeah, okay, Bakageyama,” Hinata replied quietly, finally standing from his bike before scurrying off to class.

Kageyama stared down at his hands, feeling a new sort of loss. He would normally fill any voids with volleyball, but he craved something else. Someone else.

The day went by slowly, and he couldn't really focus. He and Hinata usually spent lunch together to scarf down their food before rushing to have an extra half hour or so of practice, but when he went to grab his companion, Hinata’s seat was already empty, his classmates explaining he ran off without a word.

After searching aimlessly for about ten minutes, Kageyama instead decided to rest alone on the rooftop for his lunch. He ate quickly and was left with nothing to do but think.

Confusion was all he could focus on, playing Hinata’s words over in his head again and again. It almost sounded like Hinata was asking if Kageyama would date  _ him.  _ But maybe he really was talking about a girl. Did a girl like that even exist?

He let his mind drift, trying to imagine having a girlfriend that loved the game as much as him. The girl in his mind was objectively perfect. She was pretty and tall and quiet like him, and when she decided to speak it was only of volleyball. Maybe she would even be good in her studies, so good she could even help Kageyama where he was severely lacking.

Snapping out of his thoughts, he checked the time to see he only had about five minutes left before classes started up again. He began gathering his things, slowly making his way back to the classroom.

Even after he had spent all this time imagining this girl, he realized he wouldn't want to date her. He didn't even care about her. No, he cared about… about…

Hinata.

Kageyama stopped trying to supress the thought he had been struggling with and imagined Hinata being his… Boyfriend? No, that wouldn’t be quite right… He'd still be his girlfriend, he thought with a smug smirk on his face.

Stupid, too-loud, energizer bunny Hinata. He was too short, too bright, too  _ everything,  _ but for some reason… That was perfect. Kageyama felt good when he was with Hinata. But it’s not like they could actually date. They were two guys, and Hinata was mad at him half the time, and Kageyama still didn't know what love was. He cared for Hinata, his first friend and first partner, but that's all it was, he was sure of it. These strange thoughts were just a by-product of the earlier stupid conversation, and had nothing to do with his actual thoughts or feelings.

And anyways, even if he  _ was  _ capable of love, even then…

He would never be lucky enough to be loved by Hinata.

 

\---

 

Kageyama must have been a complete idiot.

As the day went by, eventually followed by the rest of the week, Hinata began to think that Kageyama in fact did  _ not  _ realize what he had implied. He couldn’t decide if that made him angrier or not, so Hinata simply avoided the taller boy when they didn't have practice to attend.

His classmates told him every time Kageyama dropped by his classroom to see him, and each time he waved it off as being a misunderstanding that they missed each other. Hinata had a few hiding spots he was rotating through for lunches and free periods, but his plan failed, unbeknownst to him, when suddenly a girl in his class was bowing politely in front of him, asking if they could speak on the roof.

_ Well,  _ he thought.  _ Shit.  _ And soon he was following her to the rooftop, dreading what was to come.

 

\---

 

Kageyama was laying belly up on the roof, enjoying the warmth of the cement beneath him and daydreaming of tossing to Hinata. He was afraid he’d fall asleep, and not wanting to be disturbed in case he did, Kageyama to lay behind a structure on top of the building that jutted upwards to use as a shield from any unwelcome classmates. Soon, at the sound of the opening door and shuffling feet, he was grateful for his forward thinking, and he settled more comfortably into his spot on the ground.

“H-Hinata-kun…”

Kageyama gasped at the name, his eyes flying open. He began moving to sit up, before realizing that it might not be the best course of action. What the hell was going on? The girl’s voice was unfamiliar, was she a friend of Hinata’s? Or… Something more?

“Hinata-kun, I’m sorry for dragging you up here. B-But I… I have something I need to tell you!”

_ Oh my god. Is this a fuckin’ love confession!? _

A heat ignited in his chest, and not a warm and fuzzy type either. Anger was rolling off him in waves, and he couldn’t explain why, but Kageyama wanted nothing more than to march up to the pair and snatch Hinata away.

“I like you, Hinata-kun.” This time when the girl spoke, she sounded much more sure-footed. “I’ve liked you since last year, and I… I would like it if you would go out with me!”

There was a silence for a time after her words, and Kageyama had to suppress every urge to at least  _ peek  _ at what the hell Hinata was doing. Was he actually going to say yes? Oh  _ god,  _ what would Kageyama do if he said yes? The thought made all his anger evaporate as it morphed into fear. Hinata was his _.  _ His partner, his ball of energy, his problem, his idiot, his whatever-the-fuck-else he was, Hinata would always be  _ his. _

“I’m sorry,” came a soft reply. “I can’t.”

Kageyama barely have time to register the wave of relief at the rejection before the girl was piping up again.

“A-ah, I thought you might not want to, we don’t talk much... So I was wondering if you… If you would at least go on a date with me.” She spoke quickly.

Kageyama could clearly hear her gulp before she rushed over more words, panic evident.

“I just thought maybe we could get to know each other more! And maybe you would come to like me. I’m not much of anything special but-”

She stopped speaking suddenly, and Kageyama couldn’t resist a peek as he rose to see Hinata’s hand placed gently on the girl’s shoulder.

“I’m sure you’re plenty special,” Hinata said kindly. “But I can’t. B-Because I already have someone I like.” He withdrew his hand, letting it fall to his side. “I’m sorry. I’m sure we can be great friends, but I can’t return your feelings.”

The girl nodded, and Kageyama was sure he could see a tear roll down her cheek.

“C-Can I… At least know who she is? The girl you like.” She clarified. “Then I can give up. And I… I’ll root for you.”

Hinata smiled at her and tilted his head up to stare at the sky, a strange far-off expression on his face that Kageyama had never seen before.

“Rooting for me is pointless. I’m in love with a guy.”

 

\---

 

The girl had been rather understanding and reassured Hinata she would cheer for him anyways. She left first, leaving Hinata alone on the rooftop (save for Kageyama who was still trying to melt into the shadows). The only sounds were of the birds in the nearby trees and the muffled voices of their schoolmates down below, until there came a soft sniffle. The sniffle quickly devolved into full-on sobbing, and Kageyama watched in horror as Hinata had sunk to the ground, curling in on himself and muffling his sorrow in his arms.

Not knowing what to do to not give his position away, Kageyama slumped back against the structure, feeling like the biggest piece of garbage in the world.

The rest of the day went by completely normal, and at practice Kageyama was surprised to see Hinata in even more of a chipper mood than usual. He even seemed to be done ignoring Kageyama, as afterwards they walked to the street light together like normal, before Hinata asked him if he could spend the night again on Saturday, which Kageyama quickly agreed to.

Soon they were parting ways, and Kageyama couldn’t help but watch him as he biked away.

_ Who the hell does he like? _

He really was an idiot.

 

\---

 

Hinata stood in the shower, at the furthest point from the showerhead itself, planning to use the white noise simply to muffle the sounds of certain unholy endeavors.

Although he was a healthy teenage boy, he had never really been one for these sort of… extracurricular activities. Normally he was too focused on volleyball or trying not to be completely awful at schoolwork. His free time in between was usually spent playing with Natsu, the miniature version of himself.

But lately, all Hinata could think about was Kageyama.

After the girl in his class, Aiko, had confessed to him, Hinata decided it was time for him to accept his feelings and get on with his life. Not having the setter in his life for the past week had been more exhausting than anything else, so soon Hinata decided to give up on that particular plan. Instead, he would take what he could get, and make sure things were back to normal.

Well, as normal as things can be when you’re about to get off to thoughts about your best friend.

When Hinata’s mother had brought home coconut oil, and it failed to serve her intended purpose of taming his wild curls, he had been left alone with a jar of slick, wonderful smelling oil, and his thoughts. Thoughts of Kageyama, who Hinata was now accepting he was in love with.

So here he was, in the shower, fingers slick with the oil on his right hand as he used his left to hold himself open to circle a single digit around his entrance.  _ This is bad,  _ Hinata thought. He was only supposed to care about volleyball, nothing else, but his voice of reason melted away as he allowed that single finger to slip inside of him. Hinata thought it would feel strange, and it did to some extent, but the relief that came with it flooded throughout his system much stronger than any other feelings. This was the closest he could have to what he truly craved.

His eyes fluttered shut as he slid the finger out slowly before gliding back in, his lack of sight making the touch feel that much more  _ real.  _ He imagined Kageyama towering over him, imagined Kageyama was the one pushing his chest into the wall while those long, perfect fingers worked his body open. A soft moan fell from Hinata’s lips as he thought of Kageyama’s hands. They were so much larger than his own and perfectly cared for, and Hinata couldn’t help but imagine how they would feel against his skin.

Soon his muscles began to relax as he became more comfortable with the unfamiliar touch, and he found it much easier to move… Too easy. He longed for that feeling of being stretched, of being  _ full,  _ and so he added a second finger. Hinata winced at the slight burn before sighing into the pleasure that it brought. It felt so good, so impossibly good that he moved quicker now, his breathing coming out in quick pants. It was an overwhelming sort of satisfaction, one that began as something so powerful and foreign he didn’t register it until it was roaring throughout his entire body. His legs shook, threatening to give out from under him as he melted into absolute bliss.  Slight guilt nipped at the edges of Hinata’s mind because this wasn’t a manly thing to do. He shouldn’t be enjoying his own fingers driving into him or letting out soft breathy moans. And he  _ definitely  _ shouldn’t feel a spark of warmth coil in his belly at the thought of Kageyama’s thick length rubbing against him or at the thought of him nipping at his skin. He shouldn’t be doing any of this. This was  _ bad. _

_ “You’re so bad, Hinata, fucking yourself on my fingers like you can’t get enough.”  _ Hinata’s imagination suddenly supplied the voice he wanted so desperately to hear. It whispered in his ear, low and husky.  _ “Be a good boy and cum for me.”  _ It urged him, and before he could think about it, he was listening. A sob left his throat as he spilled his pleasure against the wall of the shower without a single touch to his cock. Hinata slumped down, wincing as he pulled his fingers from himself and letting the water wash away the oil and his shame.

He hadn’t meant to imagine Kageyama that vividly. It wasn’t right to pleasure himself to the thought of his best friend,  _ even _ if he had feelings for him… But the voice had manifested on its own, he hadn’t even thought about it, and it felt so real that it now left him with a sense of loss at something he didn’t have in the first place.

Hinata curled his arms around his knees and began to sob, shaking with the strong cries that were ripped from his chest. He stayed that way until the shower began to run cold, and felt himself shivering. Quickly he exited the small prison of the bathroom and busied himself with drying off, before he flopped onto his bed, only thinking about one thing.

Being in love with his best friend sucked.

 

\---

 

It was Saturday night, and currently Kageyama was wishing that Hinata would just shut the hell up.

Although the setter was delighted that Hinata was in a good mood, he forgot that Hinata’s good moods meant that he was absolutely  _ obnoxious.  _ They were in their normal spots, with Kageyama on his bed and Hinata on the guest futon, but Hinata’s arms were thrown over the side of the bed as he rambled on about some new amazing show that Kageyama just  _ had  _ to watch.

“...And then the main guy goes all ‘fwahhh!’ and the group of villains that were trying to kill him have to go back into hiding. Which I was happy about, but one of the villains I actually really like, and he got all depressed so I’m kind of mad…”

“Ugh, Hinata,  _ shut up.” _

Hinata shoved his shoulder, which he returned in kind with a jab from his elbow to the short middle blocker’s chest. Hinata fell back on the guest futon with an ‘oof’, his legs sprawled out in front of him as he pouted.

“Sorry for trying to share the things I enjoy with you, Bakageyama.” Hinata huffed.

“I don’t even like anime, Hinata boke! I don’t get it…”

“You’re focusing too much on the ‘anime’ part! It’s normal entertainment! Let’s watch it together tomorrow, okay, Kageyama? Please? It’s so good, and you end up getting so into it that your heart ends up going all ‘gweh!?’ but then when things are fixed you feel super good!” Hinata rambled on, slapping his palm on the futon for emphasis.

“Will it make you shut up?” Kageyama groaned.

“Well, for now! But after we watch it  _ you’ll  _ want to talk about it! It’s the best, Kageyama! I promise!” Hinata flashed one of his dazzling smiles, squirming as he was absolutely giddy with excitement about sharing the show.

Kageyama was done for.

“Fine,” he sighed. “We’ll watch it tomorrow. But that means you need to shut up about it right now, fair?”

Hinata nodded vigorously, his smile getting impossibly wider. “Okay, okay! I can’t wait!” With that he flopped onto his back, pulling the covers up quickly and shutting his eyes tightly. “Now I’m so excited for tomorrow we have to sleep immediately! Stop talking to me Kageyama, ya idiot!”

“...You’re the one who won’t shut up.” Kageyama scolded, but there was no real venom in his voice.

They lapsed into silence, and Kageyama was afraid the middle blocker had actually managed to fall asleep  _ immediately. _

“Hinata?”

“Hey! What did I just say?”

Kageyama ignored him and continued on with his question anyways. “How do you know you like someone?”

Hinata shot up from the futon, just as the soft pitter patter of rain began outside of the window. His eyes were impossibly wide, golden-brown saucers as he searched Kageyama’s face in panic.

“What? Why are you asking me that?”

“I was just wondering,” Kageyama explained quickly. “I know you said you liked someone and since I’ve never really experienced that I was just, uh, curious… I guess.”

_ Why do I sound so unsure? It’s the truth, right? This is just for information purposes, right? Yeah, I don’t like anyone. Especially not dumb Hinata. _

Hinata seemed to relax, and eased back into the futon. He sat that way for a while, quiet and deep in thought. Kageyama couldn’t help but think it was an odd way to be viewing the small boy. Hinata was usually a flurry of orange that never sat still and most definitely never looked this serious unless it was during a volleyball match.

But here Hinata was, only lit by the soft light of the moon, his bright, insanely curled hair seeming softer along with his other features. His face was trained on the futon, gaze wide and unwavering with his small lips slightly parted as he licked them nervously. Kageyama watched the boy’s tongue swipe over his lips, before his gaze fell on the sprinkle of freckles that dusted pink cheeks. Kageyama wanted to see where else he had freckles, wanted to touch them and draw maps of constellations on the pale porcelain skin in front of him. His attention was brought back as Hinata finally began to speak.

“This is my first time being in love,” Hinata said simply. 

Kageyama waited for him to go on, but when it was obvious he wouldn’t, the setter sighed before urging him to continue.

“Still, it’s more than I know. And anyways, don’t you just have a crush or something?”

“No.”

Kageyama met his gaze at Hinata’s quick and sure answer.

“It’s not a crush. I love this person.”

They stared at each other as the rain picked up outside, the only noise to fill the space of the small room. Kageyama spoke again, softer, and without making assumptions.

“I understand. Just… Explain it to me. Either way. I want to know.”

Hinata took a large breath, before fiddling his fingers on the end of the frayed sleeve of his sleeping sweater.

“At first I… I just watched them a lot. They were always the center of my attention, and I thought I just admired them, but then I started to care for hi- them.” Hinata quickly tried to cover his slip up, but Kageyama noticed it, although he opted not to comment, instead waiting for Hinata to continue. “I started to think about them all the time, and I was always worrying about them, I started wanting to protect them and defend them. And the things they used to do that annoyed me, suddenly it was okay… No, it was more than okay, it was stuff I started to love, because it was  _ that  _ person, you know?” Hinata stopped his nervous movements to simply clutch his hands together in front of him. “And then you… You start to feel greedy. I started to think of ways I could be closer to them, all the time. I wanted to monopolize that person, and be the center of their attention, and I want them to be happy all the time.” He closed his eyes and took a small breath, seeming to build courage for his next words.

“And  _ I _ want to be the one who makes them happy.”

Hinata’s eyes were glazed over when he opened them again, seeming to be viewing something else. Someone else.

“That person is the most precious to me,” he said softly.

Kageyama saw the small, sad smile that ghosted over Hinata’s lips. Gone as quickly as it came, Hinata lifted his head to catch his gaze once more, and they simply sat that way, staring at one another. Hinata’s eyes were terrifying, the same look that could sometimes be caught in the middle of a game, where his chocolate eyes suddenly seemed  _ golden, _ his gaze piercing and terrifying. It made Kageyama’s breath hitch as something inside of him squirmed, unable to maintain the strong eye contact. His eyes fell to the bed, and suddenly he could breathe again, no longer trapped in molten gold.

“Hinata,” Kageyama said, wincing at how breathless he sounds.

“Yes?”

“If you start to feel greedy, then why haven’t you done everything to make them yours?”

Hinata laid down, turning his back towards Kageyama as he let out a small sigh. “They’re too important. I can’t risk not having them at all.”

Kageyama wasn’t sure what to say to that. At a loss for words, he tried to process his friend’s fear. How could someone push Hinata out of their life because of his love? When he opened his mouth to speak, the sound of soft snoring filled the room. Kageyama smiled. It never failed to amaze him how Hinata could simply drop like the dead.

The small sounds of Hinata’s snoring and breathing began to lull him to sleep, the rain outside turning into white noise. Just as Kageyama felt himself floating on the line between consciousness and sleep, loud thunder rolled outside, startling him fully awake. He groaned, annoyed with the noise, until he heard a small whimper.

_ Oh.  _ He forgot.

Kageyama leaned over the edge of the bed to see Hinata awake once again, eyes frantically darting about as he cowered in a small ball. His body was visibly shaking.

“I forgot you were scared of lightning,” Kageyama said stupidly, as if that wasn’t horribly obvious now.

“O-oh you’re a-a-awake.” Hinata’s teeth chattered as he curled tighter into himself. “I’m not s-scared. It’s just r-r-really loud.”

Kageyama sighed. Hinata could never just admit his stupid weaknesses, even when all the fight was obviously out of his body. The setter scooted further onto the bed, pressing himself into the corner where the walls met and opening his arms.

“Come here, dumbass.”

Hinata’s jaw dropped.

“W-w-what are you saying!?” He nearly screeched.

Oh. What  _ was  _ he thinking? Kageyama had moved without even really thinking about it. It felt natural to comfort his small partner, and it always seemed to make the bundle of orange hair feel safer when he was pressed near someone. It made Kageyama uncomfortable to see Hinata looking so small and scared. Well, he always looked small, but there was a fire that normally burned within that small body, and it seemed to have been doused for the time being. Confusion made his mind feel hazy as he tried to decipher his own actions. Auto-pilot usually worked well for Kageyama, his mind and body always synced well enough for him to go about life comfortably without overthinking anything except for volleyball. Why was it always so different when it came to interacting with Hinata? Well, anyways, it was too late to back out now. Kageyama puffed out his chest slightly and did his best to look dependable.

“J-Just let me comfort you, Hinata boke!”

Hinata finally closed his mouth, eyeing Kageyama wearily. Another roll of thunder came, making him jump and cover his head with his hands, whimpering as he squeezed his eyes shut. A low growl left Kageyama, and he stood quickly, scooping Hinata into his arms before depositing him on the bed.

 

\---

 

“Hey! W-wait! Oof,” Hinata fell silent for a moment as he was dropped not-that-gently onto Kageyama’s bed.

_ Oh god. _

He was on  _ Kageyama’s  _ bed.

Hinata stared stupidly as he tried to process what the hell had just happened in the last two minutes. Kageyama had climbed into the bed, arranging his pillows in a small tower to prop himself up on, and Hinata’s wide eyes followed to watch every movement he made. Another roll of thunder sounded outside, but Hinata shook only slightly as it seemed to fall in the background while he watched Kageyama work. Finally, the pillows seemed to be perfect, and Hinata watched as his hands outstretched towards him.

“W-wait Kage-,” he was cut off by a brush of Kageyama’s hand against his cheek. It was such a horribly gentle touch, one that made him feel small and precious, and Hinata released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Long slender fingers brushed some of his hair from his face, before the hand fell again so the pad of Kageyama’s thumb could rub tiny circles over his cheekbone. Hinata tentatively nuzzled into the touch, a soft pleased noise escaping his throat as he closed his eyes in bliss. He opened them again after a moment, to Kageyama’s face extremely close to his. For one second Hinata was nearly sure the setter would kiss him, but then Kageyama’s lips were near his ear, voice low and rumbling throughout his whole body.

“Shoyou…”

Hinata blew a fuse at his given name. Being whispered in his ear. By  _ Kageyama. _

“Come here,” the setter told him again, leaning back and softly coaxing the smaller boy as one would a terrified animal. Hinata actually listened, as he shuffled a bit closer. Kageyama wrapped his arms around the small frame, pulling to lift him to rest on his own body. Their legs tangled together as Hinata’s head fell to his chest. Kageyama pulled him up higher, until Hinata’s nose was pressed into the crook of his neck. Satisfied with the position, he settled back onto the pillows, wrapping one arm around Hinata’s back and the other reaching to tangle in the mess of orange curls.

 

\---

 

Without much thought to the movement, Kageyama leaned his head to press a gentle, chaste kiss to Hinata’s head. Hinata stiffened against him.

_ Goddammit, why do I keep moving without thinking?  _ Kageyama worried he might have pushed a bit too much. He ran his hand up and down the dip of Hinata’s back in what he hoped was a soothing motion, and began to release his hand from the orange hair. Kageyama stopped at the small voice vibrating along his neck.

“Tobio,” Hinata replied with Kageyama’s own given name, and the setter’s heart swelled, feeling like it had raised into his throat. If that wasn’t bad enough, Hinata continued on.

“One more.”

“O-one more?” Kageyama asked, voice quivering slightly.

Hinata only nodded in explanation. Kageyama tangled his fingers into the orange curls again, before pressing another soft kiss to Hinata’s head, praying to whatever God was listening that it was the right move to do. Kageyama could  _ feel  _ the soft happy sigh and the curl of Hinata’s lips against his skin as the boy smiled.

“Do you ever feel so happy it hurts, Kageyama?”

The sudden question startled him. “What do you mean?”

Hinata fisted his tiny hand in Kageyama’s shirt, pressing his cheek closer into the other’s neck, rubbing his nose over the throat bared to him.

“Like something really  _ bwahhh  _ happens and you feel like the sun is inside of you but you know it’ll be over too soon? Like that little moment won’t ever be enough so instead it hurts a whole lot?” Hinata asked.

And surprisingly, Kageyama did. He tilted his head, staring at Hinata still nestled against his body. It filled him with a strange warmth to see the small boy atop him, clutching his shirt so hard. It made Kageyama feel… Big. He felt larger than life, like he could protect Hinata from anything. But this strange dynamic that had fallen over them this night would probably be gone with the morning. His chest felt hollow at the thought. Kageyama’s hold on the small frame tightened, and be buried his face into orange curls, inhaling the scent that was so  _ Hinata  _ and perfect.

“Yeah,” Kageyama mumbled. “I think I do.”

Thunder continued to roll outside, but Hinata didn’t seem to notice, curled cutely on top of Kageyama. Soon the soft snore filled the room again, and Kageyama could breathe easy knowing that Hinata was comfortable once more.

Yeah. He felt big.

 

\---

 

Kageyama woke that morning to wetness smeared on his neck and chest, a hand fisted much too tightly in his hair, and a very heavy, very warm Hinata resting on his body as the sole cause of his discomfort.

“Oi,” Kageyama grunted.

The orange curls barely shifted in response, and he grunted again, shoving the small boy. There was a groan, and then Hinata was sitting up, his legs straddling Kageyama’s hips. The sweater the middle blocker had slept in was much too large and had slipped off one of his shoulders, revealing the pale creamy skin. A small flurry of freckles was painted there, and Kageyama could only tear his gaze away to watch Hinata sleepily rub at his eyes with the back of his hand.

_ Cute. _

“Yama-yama,” Hinata muttered. He flopped back onto the wide chest under him, rubbing his cheek on the fabric of the soft cotton shirt. “I wanna sleep more…,” he trailed off, and in about five seconds flat the quiet snore reached Kageyama’s ears. No matter how cute sleepy Hinata was, he really needed to get up and  _ pee.  _

“Hey. Hey!” Kageyama jostled Hinata again, gently grabbing his waist and hoisting him into a sitting position again. Hinata’s eyes fluttered open, glazed over eyes half-peering at him.

Suddenly those brown eyes flew open all the way, and Hinata furiously began to squirm, his waist still being gripped firmly in Kageyama’s large hands. 

“Ka-Kageyama! Lemme go!”

Immediately the hands on him released, and Hinata nearly fell as his balance was lost. He planted his hands behind him, catching himself, and then turning back to Kageyama with a wide gaze.

“W-what where you doin’, ya idiot!?”

Kageyama cocked an eyebrow at him. “Me? I needed you to get up so I could piss. And so I can clean this up,” he deadpanned with a gesture to his soaking upper-left side. “You drool and snore too much,” he muttered.

Hinata seemed to be short-circuiting. He merely stared at Kageyama, making small broken noises as he shook. Exasperated, Kageyama shook his head and began making his way off the bed.

“I’ll be back in a moment, so you can go back to sleep. You want me to hold you again?” Kageyama asked as if it was the most natural question in the world.

They merely stared at each other as Hinata made no move to answer, still only making strange garbled sounds, his jaw seemingly unhinged. Kageyama shook his head and slinked off to the bathroom, ready to begin cleaning up for the morning.

With Kageyama finally out of the room to stop distracting him, Hinata recalled the storm from the previous night and being pulled into the bed. He blushed as he remembered how nice it felt to be held in Kageyama’s strong embrace, the feeling of complete contentment that had washed over him.

_ Wait… Didn’t he kiss my head last night? _

_ Wait… Wait! _

_ Did he offer to hold me again!? _

Hinata squawked, falling back onto the bed and kicking his arms and legs about. He couldn’t stop moving, the excitement that was pulsing through his whole body filling him with more energy than normal. Soon, Kageyama returned, looking rather refreshed. Seeing the squirming figure on the bed, he spoke with a small cock of his head.

“You’re awake now?”

Hinata shot up at the question, his legs folded behind him and his hands planted between his knees as he nodded. Kageyama gave him a soft smile, and offered his hand.

“Let’s go eat breakfast and watch that show, then.” Kageyama said.

Hinata could do nothing but stare. The little smile that had flitted across Kageyama’s lips was a rare thing, a flower that bloomed once an eon. So, slowly, Hinata accepted the hand extended to him, a small blush creeping up his neck.

The rest of the day, Kageyama seemed to be unable to keep away from Hinata. He trailed close behind him when the middle blocker rummaged around the kitchen, randomly pressing his face into the soft orange hair atop Hinata’s head. And when they rested on Kageyama’s bed to watch the anime, Kageyama wasted no time sitting against the wall, his feet planted flat so his knees were bent, and outstretching his arms to Hinata. The smaller boy had gingerly nestled in between the strong thighs of his setter, and couldn’t help but blush at the satisfied sigh behind him as Kageyama’s arms wrapped around his chest to pull Hinata’s back flush to the other’s back.

It was a nice day.

 

\---

 

“Hinata, let’s go.”

Wednesday had come, which was one of the few days that no practice was held. Normally, days like this would mean that Hinata would be biking the whole way home alone, but so far throughout the week Kageyama had kept with his strange behavior of keeping close to Hinata.

Not that he was complaining.

Hinata threw the few textbooks he  _ might  _ actually try to study tonight into his bag before quickly situating it onto his shoulder and squeezing out his homeroom door. He came face to face with Kageyama, who was leaning against the wall and patiently waiting for him.

They quietly walked out the school together, grabbing Hinata’s bike as they exited the school grounds, and as they rounded a certain corner where most of the students had thinned out, Kageyama slipped his hand into Hinata’s without a word. Although Kageyama had done it the past few days, Hinata’s heart still pounded against his chest, and he gently squeezed the large hand holding his much smaller one.

Hinata had definitely not been expecting for this proximity to continue outside of the weekend. It made him want to jump for joy in one instant, but the next he would remember nothing had truly been discussed between the two, and so his confusion loomed over his head, putting a damper on what would otherwise be a fantastic mood.

“Kageyama?” Hinata asked gently.

Slowly Kageyama stopped walking and turned to face Hinata, their hands still clutching each other tightly. The setter said nothing, but tilted his head slightly and cocked an eyebrow in an obvious sign for Hinata to continue.

Hinata fidgeted uncomfortably, not sure how to proceed with the question burning in his chest. Finally, he decided to just go for it.

“Uhm… Why do you keep touching me so much?”

The reaction was instant, as Kageyama dropped his hand as if it was on fire and took a small step back. He looked…  _ Hurt.  _

“Do you hate it?”

Hinata was closing the gap between them again quickly, grabbing both of Kageyama’s hands and shaking his head furiously as he felt that stupid blush coming back to his cheeks.

“No! No.” He stared up at Kageyama, trying to calm his sporadic heart. “I just wanted to know why,” Hinata explained gently.

Kageyama seemed to ponder that for a moment, looking away from those terrifying gold eyes. How was he supposed to explain it to Hinata when he himself didn’t understand? The urge to be closer to the middle blocker had slowly crept up on him in the past year or so, until it became an unbearable burning in his chest these past few weeks. Hinata was so  _ tiny,  _ so silly and bright and something about him made Kageyama want to hold that small figure to his chest forever. And after he actually had, after he comforted Hinata the previous weekend… Kageyama had gotten a taste and was drunk on the wine that was Hinata.

But how could he explain all that to Hinata himself?

“It… Feels good,” Kageyama said simply.

This time it was Hinata that dropped their hands, moving away slightly. “It just feels good?” He asked with a slight quiver.

“Yeah. I just like touching you,” Kageyama explained further.

He reached out a hand to pull the smaller boy back to him, but before he could say anything further, Hinata was dodging his grasp. The middle blocker turned away from him, re-adjusting the strap on his bag.

“Hinata?” He questioned, confused by the sudden change in atmosphere.

“A-Ah, it’s nothing,” Hinata said, turning back to him to give a small, stiff bow. “I understand, it’s nice to be able to satisfy urges,” his voice cracked.

A sharp pain shot through Kageyama at those words. Hinata had terribly misunderstood his words.

“Hinata, that’s not what I meant-,” the setter tried to explain, but Hinata shook his head, taking a few steps away.

“It’s fine, but next time you feel like doing something like that, you should do it with someone else. Someone you  _ like.” _ Hinata’s voice cracked again. “We’re both guys Kageyama, so it’s weird.”

Hinata was trying to wipe away the tears on his face, but knew he was failing miserably. His stupid tear ducts just would not quit this past month.

“You like a guy anyways, so is it so bad to touch me?”

The tears stopped at that, almost as if an off switch had been pressed. Hinata stared at him wide-eyed and confused, before his face twisted with anger.

“How do you know that, Kageyama?” Hinata asked, his voice low and menacing.

Kageyama gulped, mentally kicking himself for this major fuck up. “I- I was on the roof. When that girl confessed.”

“And you didn’t think to say anything!?” Hinata shouted at him.

“Hey, calm down! What was I supposed to say?”

Hinata was in his face now, on his tip toes and pulling Kageyama down by the front of his shirt. “You weren’t even supposed to  _ hear  _ that!” Hinata cried. “And if you heard, then you definitely shouldn’t be touching me so casually!” He shoved Kageyama away roughly, wiping his eyes with the back of his arm.

Kageyama looked down at his feet, trying to ignore the painful twisting in his chest.

“I was jealous. That you liked someone,” Kageyama explained. “I want to be the only one to touch you.”

He hoped Hinata would understand, but then the anger flashed on the boy’s freckled face again. “I’m not some pawn in your games,  _ King.”  _

Kageyama winced at the genuine use of the nickname, the absolute hate and venom that it was drenched in.

“You can keep following your stupid whims if you want to, but you’re just going to keep hurting people.” Hinata turned away, climbing onto his bike. He sniffled, before spitting out his next words.

“You really do just use people.”

And with that he was pedaling away, leaving Kageyama alone and hurt. Kageyama wanted to run after him, scream and tell Hinata that he was overreacting.

But…

But he was  _ right.  _ Kageyama had known he liked touching Hinata, and didn’t think about anything else. He allowed his body to move on its own, never giving a single thought to what was going through Hinata’s mind. To what was going through his  _ own _ mind. He knew the middle blocker liked someone, and yet Kageyama continued to touch him anyways, following every impulse that went through his body without even taking the time to decipher through his feelings properly. And so here he was, watching the sunlight leave, feeling the chasm in his chest widen with every inch that Hinata moved away from him.

He really was a piece of garbage.

 

\---

 

Kageyama had forgotten despair. Until now.

It rushed back as powerful as it had left, worming its way around his heart and constricting him. Without Hinata, without the sun, nothing could matter anymore. Not even volleyball. The absence of his parents, the rejection of his past teammates, the loneliness that had gripped his heart when he tossed the ball and it echoed dully as it bounced across the court… No one  _ being  _ there…

It had been okay. Hinata had  _ made  _ it okay. Kageyama was certain the lesson of his ruling on the court would never be forgotten, but watching Hinata bike away from him, he heard that same dull thud and watched the only thing that mattered roll away from him. 

As time passed, he realized he hadn’t learned anything from the past.

These days it felt like a chill was constantly running through his body, a sadness that had once been heated until it thawed and his heart could beat again. But it had refrozen, and now the ice was back and settled heavy in his chest once more.

Kageyama had waited and hoped that he and Hinata’s relationship would repair. Their fights were frequent and sometimes they lasted a few days, ignoring each other or being overly mean when they  _ did _ speak, but this time was… different.

Weeks had passed. It was closing in on a month, and still, Hinata wouldn’t speak with him outside of volleyball practice. Kageyama had tried to keep distance at first, give Hinata space to work through things. But even after so much time had passed, Hinata still wouldn’t go out of his way to interact with the setter. Oftentimes Hinata opted to practice with one of the new first year setters, ignoring his previous partner. Kageyama tried to approach him a few times to speak, but Hinata would simply brush past him, or shoot him a look of pure hate that was enough to make the setter go mute.

And yet, that wasn’t even the worst part.

Hinata seemed  _ fine.  _ Everytime Kageyama saw him, he was smiling and laughing like normal, spreading his sunshine like everything was perfect. The sensation that would bubble in the setter’s chest was actually painful, and it would only worsen when he watched too long. Watched Hinata be happy…  _ Without  _ him.

And here he was. Falling apart.

 

\---

 

Soon the Summer training camp was right around the corner, and Kageyama couldn’t wait. The distraction from Hinata would be welcome. He buried his feelings in volleyball and studies, making sure that this year his grades would  _ not  _ affect him going to the training camp.

It paid off, as he failed none of his exams. Hell, some of the exam grades were not only passing, but halfway decent. To his surprise, Hinata didn’t fail any either, although they didn’t do any studying together this year as they had the previous one.

Soon the volleyball club was in Tokyo once more, everyone rather charged up for practice games and learning new skills from the other schools. Plus, it didn’t hurt to scope out the competition. 

The beginning of the week long training camp went well. Kageyama practiced with some of the spikers from other schools, learning to quickly adjust his tosses depending on the person so he wouldn’t be tied to only a few players.

Despite his best efforts not to notice, Hinata was improving with other players as well. He frequently saw him practicing tosses with Kenma, whom he knew the middle blocker was great friends with. At one point he saw some rather knowledgeable first and second years from Fukurōdani helping Hinata practice on blocking with compensating for his height, and he couldn’t help the swelling of pride in his chest as he watched Hinata hone his skills. Volleyball was their connection, and it was pointless to try not watching his friend improve.

The first four days of the training camp were complete smooth sailing. The fifth day was something he was completely unprepared for though.

 

\---

 

Kageyama watched them all interact, a foreign feeling that resembled anger swirling in his chest. Hinata was sandwiched between Kenma and Lev, laughing and smiling at the both of them before pressing into Kenma’s side. The slightly taller boy wrapped an arm around Hinata’s shoulder, pulling him closer, and Kageyama couldn’t help the strangled growl that rumbled past his lips. Although he recognized he was beginning to nurture feelings for the small boy, the setter knew he really shouldn’t allow himself to be so bothered. He should be focusing on improving while at the training camp, and yet all he could do was stare after Hinata, glaring at whoever he was being friends with at the time.

Which meant he was glaring at everyone.  _ All _ the time.

Kageyama groaned, attempting to tear his gaze away. He needed to calm down, or he was going to be pissed off for the rest of the trip. Hinata’s sunny disposition and absolute enthusiasm made it impossible not to like him, obviously proven by the fact that he was constantly surrounded by members of all the different teams attending the training camp. It hadn’t bothered Kageyama last year, but with his new found feelings, this time around it made him want to scream.

He stole a glance at the trio again, and this time Kageyama was certain he was going to lose it.

They were all standing now, and it was the strangest thing Kageyama had ever witnessed. Lev was holding Hinata up, the tiny middle blocker’s back pressed to the taller man’s chest while Lev’s arms wrapped tightly around Hinata for support. The smaller boy’s legs dangled free beneath him, and Kenma stood in front of the pair, a strange look of determination on his face. Kenma then went to stand on his tiptoes, giving himself enough height to press a small kiss onto Hinata’s cheek.

Nope.

Kageyama  _ had  _ been practicing receives, but now he was barrelling towards the three, ignoring the confused shouts of his practice partners. The clamor caught the attention of the trio, and the moment they caught sight of Kageyama rushing towards them, absolute murder written on his face, they broke apart. Lev hurriedly put Hinata down, who was looking wide-eyed and terrified as he tried to scramble away. Kageyama caught his wrist, dragging the smaller boy behind him.

“Kag- Hey! Let me go!”

Kageyama ignored the cries of his small previous partner, still pulling him towards the door, until Hinata firmly planted his feet and tugged back.

“Idiot! Let me GO!” Hinata shouted, feebly trying to release the iron grip on his wrist.

Kageyama grunted, closing the distance between them and kneeling slightly in front of the middle blocker. Hinata stared at Kageyama with a look of confusion, finally letting up in his attempts to get away, and the setter took the opportunity to toss the boy over his shoulder before standing to his full height again.

Hinata yelled obscenities at him, pounding on his back with his fists and kicking his legs like a small child throwing a tantrum. The rest of the players in the gym only watched in confusion, before the pair were out the door, taking all their noise along with them.

Hinata had continued to fight until he realized Kageyama was in fact  _ not  _ letting him get away. The pair traveled in silence besides the small groans that were pushed from Hinata as Kageyama’s shoulder was digging painfully into his torso, until they stopped at the back of the building, away from the sights and sounds of the others practicing.

“Will you put me down now?” Hinata muttered.

His voice was strained from the discomfort of the shoulder still pressed into his body, and the setter felt a nip of guilt.

Kageyama compiled with the request, but not nearly as gently as Hinata had hoped. Kageyama pressed them against a wall, shifting Hinata’s body so the boy was on his own two feet but still trapped. The two stared at each other, waiting for the other to speak.

“Is it Kenma?” Kageyama finally asked.

“Is  _ what  _ Kenma, you idiot?” Hinata asked, a bit of annoyance seeping into his voice.

That seemed to be the wrong tone, as Kageyama slammed his fist into wall above Hinata’s head, causing the boy to shrink back.

“You know what I’m asking!” He nearly screamed.

Hinata winced at the loud voice in his ear. Suddenly he felt small and frightened, trapped between the wall and an obviously pissed off Kageyama.

“I-I really don’t know what you’re asking,” Hinata said honestly. 

Kageyama’s expression softened at the sincerity in his voice before leaning his face forward, snarling in Hinata’s ear.

“The boy you like.”

Oh.  _ Oh god.  _ For the hundredth time, Hinata remembered that Kageyama really was an absolute idiot.

Hinata stared at him with wide eyes, trying to search his face to make sure he wasn’t joking. The scowl etched into the raven’s forehead was answer enough, and the middle blocker shoved him in the chest, pushing him away.

“You still haven’t figured it out?” 

The anger and simultaneous tremble in Hinata’s voice were foreign to his own ears. He clenched his hands tighter at his sides. His eyes were downcast, but Kageyama was soon lifting his chin, forcing their gazes to meet, and the anger boiled over again.

“I told you not to  _ touch  _ me!” Hinata yelled, trying to squirm away, but Kageyama was yelling back at him, moving his hand from his chin to curl it into the collar of the middle blocker’s shirt.

“Then tell me! Tell me who it is!”

“No!” Hinata screamed. 

Angry tears were forming now, and he was clawing at Kageyama’s hands on his shirt, because he was panicking - he needed to get away, he couldn’t stand those hands and eyes on him, he was going to suffocate under that gaze -

“ _ Tell me!” _

“IT’S YOU!” Hinata shouted back, and now Kageyama was dropping his hands, moving away with his anger turning to shock.

“Wha-”

“No, shut up!” Hinata cut him off. 

Kageyama winced, but still Hinata continued.

“It’s disgusting - you’re a guy, and a complete fucking idiot… You’re self-centered, egotistical, _ rude _ … And you suck at everything except volleyball, but I love  _ you!  _ I didn’t realize you were too stupid to even notice, but you proved me wrong again,” Hinata spat.

Kageyama took a step towards him, and Hinata let out an actual snarl, his lip curling in an animalistic warning to stay back.

“I love you, and you still touch me without even thinking of how I feel! You’re so wrapped up in yourself that you don’t think of anyone else-”

Hinata was cut off by Kageyama rushing him, and he only had time to press against the wall with a frightened yelp before a pair of large hands were twisting in his hair, pulling his face up to clash their lips together.

A startled, strangled noise left Hinata’s throat, and he tried to push Kageyama away for the millionth time, but the setter only held his head tighter, pressing his mouth more firmly against Hinata’s.

A whimper left the middle blocker’s lips, causing his lips to part slightly, and Kageyama took the opportunity to slip his tongue into the smaller boy’s mouth. Soon Hinata was melting into the kiss against his better judgement, curling his trembling fingers into the other’s shirt and yanking him closer.

An approving rumble vibrated from Kageyama’s chest, and now Hinata was  _ really  _ kissing him back, confused but not wanting it to end, hoping to drown in this dream and never wake up. But too soon, Kageyama was pulling away, still holding Hinata’s head between his palms and staring at him.

“Me too,” Kageyama spoke softly, softer than Hinata had ever heard him.

“Huh?” Hinata asked dumbly.

A blush came across Kageyama’s cheeks, and it was something Hinata had never seen on his tall friend before, but he decided he liked it. His lips were bruised and wet from their kissing, dark hair framing his pale face and horribly blue eyes staring at him, trying to convey the depth of Kageyama’s feelings - Hinata couldn’t come up with a better image if he tried.

“You’re an idiot too,” Kageyama said, as if that was an explanation. 

Then he was burying his face into Hinata’s orange unruly tufts, sighing into the soft hair. Hinata tentatively wrapped his arms around the setter, pulling him closer when the raven only sighed happily in response.

“Kageyama?”

“What?”

“So,” Hinata licked his lips, fidgeting nervously. “You like me too?”

Kageyama pulled his head away to stare at him, bringing a hand up to cup Hinata’s cheek. Brown met blue, and Hinata couldn’t help the little butterflies that sprung to life in his stomach, making him feel uneasy.

“No,” Kageyama said softly before pressing his lips to the decoy’s forehead. “I love you, dumbass.” He breathed, and Hinata’s heart burst as he clutched tighter to his partner, willing the erratic beating of his heart to slow.

They stared at each other again, and soon Hinata couldn’t help the small giggle that bubbled from his lips. Kageyama’s lips twitched, threatening to pull into a smile, and before long Hinata was laughing, a few tears slipping down his cheeks that Kageyama eagerly wiped away. They were both laughing now, relief flooding through their systems as they held each other.

“I love you, Bakageyama,” Hinata hiccuped.

He was the first to break apart, moving away to jump in the air, fist pumping the air as he let out a triumphant yell before falling back to the earth. He turned and flashed Kageyama a grin that lit up all the dark caverns in the setter’s heart all over again.

Kageyama couldn’t help the fond smile that found his lips as he wrapped his arms around the small decoy once more. His best friend, his partner, his most precious person.

“I love you too, Shoyou.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, I hope you enjoyed it so far! I will be updating this piece, so there will be more fluffy angsty smut to come into play later if you care to stick around :) Thank you for your time!


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